Volunteering - Tiruvannamalai

This is, probably, the hardest post to write so far... we want to explain feelings that we never felt before and mixed emotions that are burning inside but it is very complicated to describe something that even we don't understand. Volunteering with children was something that we always wanted to do but due to all the associated emotions it's hard to give the first step. After a few months in India, we felt that we were ready to try it and spending Christmas with the kids sounded a good idea... we were obviously nervous and affraid that we would not be able to meet the expectations but we were two and we could support each other.

Before arriving to the orphanage we thought that we could try to make even a bigger difference by collecting some donations from our family and friends and offer the kids a true Christmas experience. When we created the post on facebook we were excited about that possibility and got really happy with people's response.

We arrived in Tiruvannamalai on the 17th of December, we met Sathyan (the orphanage owner) in his guesthouse (Sunshine Guesthouse) at 6am. He said that the first two days we would stay at the guesthouse and after we would move to the orphanage. During our long conversation he said that there was another couple volunteering in the orphanage and curiously they were also from Portugal. We didn't believe him and even asked him to confirm in his files but yes, they were from Portugal. We were lucky that he said that the first two days would be in the guesthouse, Pedro arrived a little sick and even got high fever so it would be nice to be in a confortable room to cure his cold and we would not take the risk of passing it to the kids. Sathyan's guesthouse was amazing, very pretty and relaxed and the room was the best we stayed in India. Pedro recovered fast and two days later we were ready to meet the kids.

We went to the orphanage on a special day, the chief of police of the area was going to visit it. He was one of the big sponsors of the orphanage and he had offered them laptops. In India all kind of ceremonies are really formal, when we arrived we saw the kids all dressed up and with a lot of talcum powder in their faces... Some even had lipstick... when they saw us for the first time we could see curiosity in their eyes... they immediately started to ask our names and where we were from. They also introduced themselves but it was absolutely impossible to memorize any names. A few moments after, the chief of police finally arrived, we sat in the back chairs and the kids showed him some of their talents like yoga, singing, dancing, etc. When the ceremony was over Ivan and Inês recommended to see the pictures and watch a movie in the computer room. During the movie, the kids started to get closer to us and some of them were holding our hands while watching it. We were able to see how sweet they were and how they need love... We ended up having dinner with them, they eat on the floor in the same room the girls sleep. The meal was typical Indian, rice and dal, simple, but they all eat it with love. On that night we still had to sleep in the guesthouse but we would move the next day.

Now that we were living in the orphanage, we had a lot of things to do. We talked to Inês and Ivan about the donations and we all started to plan how it would work better. Luckyly they also had raised some money so we could get even more things. We started by going into town to have a look into the possibilities, we visited a few stores and we ended up starting by buying a Christmas tree to decorate with the kids. It was the first time they made a Christmas tree and they were really excited about it. On the first day we mounted the tree, put some lights and a huge star on the top. We could see that they were happy about it. On the second day we made the decorations, all of us drew our hand on a paper and painted it as we wanted. Everybody was excited about decorating the Christmas tree, incuding Esther (house mother). On that night they even went to bed late, usually they go at 21h/21h30 but they went at 23h... poor kids... during school they wake up at 5h30 in order to wash the clothes, take care of the animals and prepare for school.

The following days were to buy everything... we bought individual presents and group presents. For the guys the present contained a coloring book, coloring pencils/pen, sunglasses a watch, a cap and candy for the girls it also included the coloring book and pencils/pen, candy plus bracelets, nail polish, earings and hats. The group presents were games like UNO, pictionary kids, scrabble, badminton sets, cricket balls, school material, jumping ropes, football/volleyball balls and piano keyboard. Since the kids had never experienced Christmas before, we decided to put the presents under the Christmas tree as soon as they were wrapped, that way we would create anxiety and excitement. They even asked us if the fact of having their names on the present meant that the presents were actually for them and started to jump when we said yes.

For Christmas day we prepared rice pudding and chocolate balls (brigadeiros), it was an adventure to cook such big quantities but somehow we made it. Even though, the kids didn't like the sweets that much, the work was still worth it...  the same way sometimes some Indian food is weird for us, our food is weird for them... maybe if we had put double the sugar they might have liked a little bit more.

For us Christmas eve and day were still  days of mixed feelings, we were extremely happy that the kids were having the best Christmas of their lives but it is impossible to avoid the moments of "sadness" when we thought about how much we would like to be with our families. On Christmas eve we wanted to call our families and to do that we had to go through millions and millions of people that were walking around the Tiruvannamalai mountain barefooted.. in a normal ocasion we wouldn't even had tried to go into that crasiness with the motorbike but we didn't want to go to bed without speaking to our family.. a way that usually takes 10 minutes took 1h but the important is that we didn't give up and we slept in peace.

We still had money left from the donations, we talked to Sathyan about where we could use the money and between redecorate the toys room and buying bicycles we chose to buy a bunch of bycicles. With Sathyan's help, we were able to afford seven bicycles. We could not contain our excitement... after buying them we ran to the orphanage waiting for the bicycles to arrive... and if we thought that Christmas day was a happy day, the bicycles day was Nirvana. We had never seen suck happiness and smiles.. in just a few seconds the kids jumped into the bicycles and rode them in the street in front of the orphanage. Some were riding the bicycle others running and jumping while screaming and laughing at the same time... even Mommy was riding the bicycles. When we asked one of the kids if he was tired, his answer was "tired?! Nooo... I'm  HAPPY and JOY!!!!" And jumped at the same time.
That day, that answer and all those smiles made every decision make sense...

Everyday, during our stay, we connected more and more with the kids, bonds were created and feelings became even more intense. Even tough we knew the kids were not for adoption we couldn't avoid those types of conversations. We know that it wasn't the right moment for us but when we stabilize, it is for sure something we will consider.

We didn't plan any event for new years eve, we just decided to spend it playing cards and throw some fireworks at midnight but it was our time to be surprised... right at midnight, all the kids and Mommy showed up with two cakes, chocolates, a card signed by all of them and a present. We were all very touched by that nice gesture and the four of us had that special knot in the throat trying to contain tears. Yes, it was not a new year's eve for drinking and partying with friends but none of us would have trade it for nothing... it was their way to thank us and to say how much they loved us.

Since the kids were on holiday we had plenty of time to play, teach and learn with them. We think we played more UNO games during this period than in all our lives but even so, we didn't get tired... the hours spent playing UNO, teaching some of them how to ride a bike, trying to play volleyball or badminton, making musical instruments, watching movies or making stupid faces are now memories that we will all carry with us forever. We also had the opportunity to participate in their karate lessons but only Pedro and Phil (another volunteer) tried it. It was much harder than we thought... Phil also taught hip hop to all of us, it was a funny class full of energy and crazy jumps and flips.

With the end getting closer, difficult questions started... "why are you leaving?!", "when are you coming back?!".. it became really hard to face those questions and to find the proper answers but when one kid said "you know my name? Keep it in your heart... your name here! (Pointing to his heart)" everything became even more real... yes, we will leave... our life will continue but it will never be the same... After that kid's sentence it became hard to look at the kids without that big big knot on the throat but we were lucky that our last day would be spent outside of the orphanage playing in a park.. that way we were all distracted and not really thinking that we were leaving the next day.

We said goodbye on the 4th of January, before they went to school.. we could see that some of the kids were holding their tears and we were trying to hold ours (luckyly we had sunglasses). We (mainly Kika) cried other times while saying goodbye but this time it was different... it wasn't like in 1h everything would be fine. After leaving the orphanage, we went on a 5h bus trip and almost all the trip was in silence, sometimes we tried to explain what we were feeling but unsuccessfully.. there were a lot of unexplained emotions in us... it has been four days that we left the orphanage and it's still not easy to think about them or to explain some things... it is something that people need to try/do to be able to understand...

To end this post without starting to cry here it goes a brief description of Tiruvannamalai.. Tiruvannamalai wasn't in our guidebook, we heard it was a very spiritual place and the mountain that is next to, it is magical/holy. The city itself is a typical indian city but while driving around we could confirm the spirituality around the mountain... there are a lot of ashrams and curiously a lot of westerners. They are all nice people but because we don't practice yoga and meditation the way they do, sometimes it was hard to connect/talk to them. A lot of them said that they were there because the mountain was calling them and we tried to understand but our ultimate answer ended up always being "ok".. maybe we need to experience a few days in an Ashram to understand. About the mountain, we don't know if it's magical or not.. we asked Sathyan how long it would take to climb the mountain and his answer was "the first time I took 5h, the second time I took 2h... it all depends on your head and mind and if the mountain calls you or not..." we kind of laughed a bit but the fact is that we planned four times to climb the mountain and it never happened... first time, Kika got a strong belly pain, second time our plans got changed because of the bicycles, third time we ran out of gas on the motorbike and while trying to start it Pedro got injured on his toe and the fourth time Pedro woke up with a big diarrhea... we believe we could have gone on the fourth time but at one point we said that the mountain wasn't calling us and that it wasn't the right time to go up... we accepted it but it but it will always stay in our mind.

A very special thanks for your donations, they caused such happiness and joy that we will always keep in our memory the smiles and happy faces that we witnessed.

Together we made it. Thank you so much!

Love,
Kika & Pedro